Be More Than

      Soooo, one thought has been ever present in my mind the last couple weeks. Be more than. I have been on the roller coaster of emotion as I plan my initial trip to Italy. Am I being tested? Do I follow my gut (since it is not happy at present)? Do I force a leave by date just so that I know that I am going? Am I meant to feel anxious and nauseated over this? I am sure you all have a different answer for me, based mostly on what you would do. I have decided that since I am not at peace right now, then it is okay to postpone a few more months, my departure.
      And after talking myself out of beating myself up, just about every day, for not leaving the beginning of next month, I have come to the conclusion that I need to be at peace with at least some of the aspects of my trip. Stress is not my friend and I need to forgive myself. Reading a friends blog last week, she reminded me of a passage in Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love. It goes as follows:  "GOD long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot where you are standing right now. I was never not coming here. This was never not going to happen."
      As the tears fall onto the keyboard as I type this, I know my time is coming. It just isn't right now. I believe this dream of moving to Italy was put in my heart by GOD. As such, I believe it will come to fruition when it is supposed to. Not only when I want it to. This is, after all, also a journey of Faith for me. And I do think I may still have a bit of work on keeping the Faith in me.


      But, I digress....I spoke of the thought that has been restless inside of me for a while. Be more than. I'll try to explain. As we grow up we all have in common a few experiences that sometimes become building blocks (or tapes playing in our head) to who we become. Or sometimes just who we think we are, or what we are capable of. They may not all be exactly the same, but they are there, somewhere, sometime. A parent says no we can't do that. A co-worker or boss is convinced that we can only complete tasks that they deem we can, they put you in a box. Someone laughs at an expression of our passion for something, just because it is off key. You are beautiful. You are bright. You are so helpful. You have a nice personality. Any of these things can leave a lasting impression. And sometimes not in a positive way. But an impression they leave, none the less.
      So, what I believe is that we need to be more than those experiences, comments, decisions. Number one, be true to who you are meant to be. The discovery of that is just a part of the journey. Enjoy the discovery. Let it enrich you in every way possible. And this is directed at me, first and foremost, be more than the box your boss put you in. Be more than your failed marriage. Be more than your weight. Be more than your beauty, be your spirit, and let your light shine. Remember to be more than your flaws, as those are just a minute piece of who you are meant to be. Be more than everything you ever imagined yourself to be. You are a gift from God! It doesn't get much better than that.


Cheers.

A Long Time Coming

    Wow! I feel like I am coming into the 21st century. Laptop...check. MP3 player....check. External hard drive to store my music....check. And now.... a blog. I have been urged by friends to write, and this seems to be a great place to begin that specific adventure. 
    I have always loved to write, but haven't been for whichever reasons were convenient up til now. Journal for a day or two, write my own greeting cards, but nothing beyond that. So, why not change that dynamic today? Okay, here goes.
    Change is inevitable. Be true to who you are. Keep moving forward. Friends are our chosen family. These are just a few sayings that I believe. They are a part of my life. I'm saying this now, at the start, because they will probably be showing up in my writing. Never more than this year. This month. This night.
    I am choosing to follow my dream. This dream has been present for a few years, front and center, and even longer in the shadows. Italy has been calling my name with it's own distinct melody. "I am waiting", it seems to call, sometimes in a whisper and other times, a pretty distinctive yell (including the hand gestures). So, this is the beginning of my journey. I will let my writer out of her dormancy; and express myself as I seldom do, and in so doing, share my experiences. No censoring her to please others, and no judging myself with the harshest brush available. Just doing.
    You are most welcome to come on along. Maybe one day, I will even inspire somebody else to take that first step of their own journey.
    Cheers.